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April 10, 2003
He's the Star, We're Just the Roadies
By Dave Brigham
My son may never be a rock star, but we treat him like one. My wife
and I drive him around everywhere he wants to go, so that he can
mingle with his fans. We select his food and his outfits. We pick
up everything he drops, and place things into his hands that we
think he wants. We are endlessly taking pictures and video of him.
And, when he wants to, we let him bang on our bongos or shake the
tambourine.
We are his roadies.
He realizes this. When he pushes Cheerios or toys off his high chair
tray, I believe at least sometimes he's playing a game. He has shown
little desire to feed himself with a spoon, or drink from a cup,
preferring to let us do the work. Hey, he's not stupid!
Parenting work never ends: feeding, bathing, dressing, playing,
feeding, changing diapers, going for walks, feeding, putting down
for naps, doing laundry, feeding, feeding, feeding. Even at night,
when Owen is safe and snug in his crib, I'm looking ahead to the
next day: What are we doing? What time are we doing it? If we don't
have anything scheduled, I try to figure out what we're gonna do.
For now, Owen doesn't spend a lot of time with other kids. We've
been going to a class with other kids around his age, but we don't
see them outside the class. There are older kids in the neighborhood,
which will good for Owen once he starts walking. Now that spring
has arrived, we'll be spending more time outside, and I'm sure he'll
want to keep up with the kids next door.
Once Owen makes friends and advances to things like drinking from
a cup, feeding himself and running around, the roadie duties multiply.
Having spent some time watching groups of little kids play together,
I realize picking up Cheerios and selecting outfits pale in comparison
to breaking up toy struggles, keeping kids out of the street and
dealing with finicky eaters. Still, I've never seen a friend or
relative with kids complain about the work.
After seven months of being a stay-at-home dad, I've come to realize
that it really is work. The days can be long, and sometimes frustrating
or boring. But Owen is such a great kid, that it's never difficult
(I know, that will change once he starts walking!).
I've gotten over my initial feelings of being "out of place"
as a stay-at-home dad. I know enough guys doing the same thing,
and have had so many people tell me about others they know, that
I feel like part of a lucky, select group. We get to watch our children
grow up close at hand, and teach them things that many mothers wouldn't
think of, like how to use the TV remote or how to back-seat manage
the Red Sox while driving in the car and listening to the game on
the radio.
And all the roadie work - picking up things, selecting the right
foods, arranging schedules, cleaning spit-ups, supplying tambourines
and maracas - is worth it to see Owen smile first thing in the morning
when he wakes up.
It's a wonder that with all the special treatment kids get, they
don't all want to grow up to be rock stars, models or movie stars.
If that's what Owen wants to do, that's fine, just as long as he
pays me to be his roadie.
This column is intended as a place for me to talk about raising
a child, but it's also a place for other parents to exchange ideas,
comments and suggestions. Please email me at dave@westroxbury.com.
Thanks.
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